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Adam Dare, Founder of Own Your Fitness joins the program to discuss the formative experiences that shaped the leader that he is today. Adam reveals lessons he has learned from being a martial arts practitioner, and how to keep going when times get tough. Discover how to get unstuck, and some of the practices that Adam uses with his own clients to help them move forward.
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Welcome to hidden human, the Podcast where we explore the stories behind the business leader. Get ready to hear insights from business leaders speaking candidly about how they became who they are today, and the lessons they learned along the way. And now, here’s your host, leadership coach and speaker, Kelly Meerbott.
Kelly Meerbott 13:31:26
Welcome to the space where we reveal our personal humanity to reconnect with our shared humanity. Let’s begin our conversation with Adam Dare secret to success in business secret to success in life. Welcome, Adam. How are you?
Adam Dare 13:31:41
I’m doing fantastic, Kelly, it’s awesome to be with you guys.
Kelly Meerbott 13:31:46
I am so excited to have you. You know, one of the things that I’m really proud of is I have this network of coaches that really, if I’m not the right fit for a person can jump in and really serve and support. And that was something that really resonated with me about you. So why don’t you tell us what this is? What is the secret to success in business? And what is the secret to success in life?
Adam Dare 13:32:10
Okay, well, there’s only one statement that comes to my mind, it was when I was searching the secret to success on my own personal path. And my professional path is a gentleman by the name of Earl Nightingale. Now, I don’t know if a lot of your listeners have heard of this gentleman. Yeah, I love him. Yeah, he’s, he’s amazing. I mean, a lot of people say is like the godfather of defining success or whatever statement you want to put on his credibility. But he said something to this effect is a worthy ideal that is worth pursuing or realizing that means, you know, he’s used examples like if a homemaker wants to bake, be a great homemaker and a great mother and make a beautiful home and get the family to come home and enjoy that the Haven, then that that person is successful. So as a nurse who wants to heal people, so is the CEO of a corporation, if that is the mission that he’s on. So it’s really understanding that success is really personal. And that’s where it begins. And for me, success, or the the path to understanding what my success is, and discovering it started a long, long time ago. And I’ve been on that path until today. In fact, every day I redefine my success to understand whether I’m still walking the true and authentic path of my own self.
Kelly Meerbott 13:33:38
That’s, I mean, that’s so deep. And I love Earl Nightingale, and it’s so rare that you meet somebody else who is familiar with his work. So let’s go back since you gave me that segue, let’s figure out who Adam is as a human. So where did you grow up, Adam?
Adam Dare 13:33:53
So I’ve bounced around, and I’ve lived the life of a gypsy. And that’s because I come from a father who’s also been entrepreneur. But I grew up in Canada and Toronto, Canada. And then I, we moved to Africa. So I lived in Africa for several years. And then we moved back to Canada, and then we moved to the Hoboken, New Jersey, border line, New York City area. And we’ve been here since and in between have been to several countries lived for short terms in several countries and whatnot. So but yeah, that’s my that’s my in a short term. That’s my story. Wow. Okay,
Kelly Meerbott 13:34:34
so how did living in those different countries impact your view of life?
Adam Dare 13:34:40
Well, Africa, influenced me the most. Tell me about that. So in the mind is, when I moved to Africa, when I was a young lad, what ended up happening was, I had to learn an entire different language, not through an app, not through joining like a meetup group, which we have on the internet these days, but strictly just thrown in there. Had to learn how to ask for a glass of water sign through gestures, then had to like go to my dad’s business shop and learn to work there. And of course, you know, English is used internationally everywhere. So yeah, there’s a little bit of English used. But you literally have to survive by learning to communicate. And I always tell the younger people that I work with, I go, if you want to learn a new language, immerse yourself 100% You’re gonna end up learning it within six months, like you’re going to be fluid. Conversing, like I was talking to customers that came to my dad’s business.
Kelly Meerbott 13:35:39
Okay, so let’s dive into what mom and dad did. So what does dad do and what does mom do?
Adam Dare 13:35:45
Well, my dad doesn’t do anything right now. And he’s retired, but my dad was an international import exporter. And what that really means in now, the people that didn’t grow up in the 80s and 90s. What it means is that you You would trade goods, bring them in into the country that you’re staying at and sell for profit.
Kelly Meerbott 13:36:06
Wow. And what about mom?
Adam Dare 13:36:08
Mom has been a dedicated diligent supermom for her whole life. You had to deal with us way harder than a business. So,
Kelly Meerbott 13:36:21
so let’s let’s dovetail on to that. I mean, do you have siblings as well?
Adam Dare 13:36:26
Yes. And we’ve I’ve got three siblings. Two of them are still in Canada. One of them is in Jersey. They’ve got kids, I’ve got nephews and nieces. I am around kids all the time. I’ve got clients I work with that have kids or and, you know, I do work with age coach and train women as part of my professions. So I see a lot of journeys with with kids and adults and men and women. And I see like firsthand how people are impacted and affected in the dialogue. And everything. Yeah,
Kelly Meerbott 13:37:00
gotcha. So where do you fall with? You’re in the order of your siblings in terms of birth order, or where do you fall?
Adam Dare 13:37:06
So I’m the oldest male. Okay, so I’m the older boy or a man and I’ve got two older sisters above me.
Kelly Meerbott 13:37:15
Okay. And so if we had your siblings in the room, and they were listening to our conversation, what would they say about Adam as a child versus Adam as an adult?
Adam Dare 13:37:25
And Adam is a child is really a child version of Adam, as an adult, always seeking and asking more, always seeking and asking for the meaning. I mean, I’ve always been like this. I was always athletic into sports and fitness growing up, that’s, you know, I count that as a blessing. And always like out there, you know, I am really just an older version of what I did just a more refined version.
Kelly Meerbott 13:37:53
Hmm. So when did you start dabbling in the in fitness? When did it kind of pique your interest? Was it Did you know, you just said that Adam now is the older version of the atom child. So how young were you when you started, you know, kind of peeking into the world of fitness and putting your toe in the water.
Adam Dare 13:38:15
So I got really fortunate, I had a dad who used to do push ups at home and who had a punching bag at home. And even though like, you know, I’m now a professional coach and a trainer of course, according to my standards, I wouldn’t think that he was doing it right. But he was always the type of guy that would like grab me we would go jogging in the mornings a couple of times a week. And I played sports I was in on the track team. When I was younger, I had a BMX I don’t have kids diseases know what a BMX bike is rather BMX every day. And then, you know, got into some, some school yard fights as well. And then obviously, you know, in high school, I did a lot more sports. And then in high school, I got on the wrestling team played basketball. And then finally, like, in my adult life, I took up competitive martial arts and then that changed my whole life from whatnot.
Kelly Meerbott 13:39:13
Gotcha. Okay, so who would you say is the most important person in your life? And, and once you tell me who it is, tell me why. And what this person is like,
Adam Dare 13:39:25
I hope my dad’s not listening to this, but it’s, I would say my mom.
Kelly Meerbott 13:39:30
Okay, all right, why?
Adam Dare 13:39:34
Just her sheer strength and patience and virtues. She’s gone through a lot. And she is an extremely strong but in a very peaceful centered way. So like strength is defined by in my opinion on how much you can take and keep moving forward just like the sentence and rocky six row like Stallone says, How much can you take and move forward? Like I’ve really learned back from, from her, like, completely patient. Very seldom last I saw her lose her cool maybe a couple of times in her life. I think I’ve also inherited her a little bit of her patients a little bit of a temperament like I’m always stable and calm. And of course, my martial arts training and my own strengths really helps me with that. But yeah, I would say,
Kelly Meerbott 13:40:32
Oh, wow, that’s awesome. Let’s talk about your martial arts training because I told you, you know, I really want to kind of dig into jujitsu myself as as a woman and what, what I and not just as a woman, I think as a human and really stepping into your strength. But what I find fascinating about martial arts is it’s really not about getting into a fight. It’s more about avoiding a fight and That’s just to me that’s so counterintuitive. So tell me how that kind of plays out in your life and your business.
Adam Dare 13:41:04
Kelly, I would agree with you 110% martial arts has taught me to be more peaceful. Back in the day when the 90s in the late 90s and early 2000, when I was studying Taekwondo and competing, and later on competed in taekwondo, I really learned that it’s not about hitting back hard or fast or aggressively in a sparring practice, right? It’s all about how you handle the pressure, you get how you handle the other person losing their cool and becoming angry. It’s really about that. And that has taught me a lot on how to defuse intense situations, verbally.
Kelly Meerbott 13:41:51
How so tell me Give me a concrete example of how that’s, that’s manifested in your life. Because I’m always interested. Well,
Adam Dare 13:41:58
very simple, like for a long, long time I to have been challenged a few times in my life. And this is after retiring from competing in Taekwondo. And all I had to do was just continue being secure within myself that I’m okay. I don’t need to prove anything. And I’m okay walking away, leaving with a smile on my face. And hugging the other person, whoever is in front of you, that is going through a tough time, and is using aggression as the vehicle to release the following.
Kelly Meerbott 13:42:33
Yeah, no, I am following you I’m so I’m imagining in my mind, and what really floated into my mind right now is the the quote from Don Miguel Ruiz and the four agreements about don’t take anything personally. Because anything anybody says or does is a reflection of their own inner world, not yours, which is what you’re illustrating. But I’m I’m interested in actually hearing the story about how somebody came in and tried to, you know, confront you what, tell me the situation what was bring us there visually what happened.
Adam Dare 13:43:04
So two things happened. A while ago, this is you know, growing up in Toronto in the 90s, there was a huge dance and clubbing scene. So I used to love to go dancing, with my boys would go out dancing would have fun and whatnot. And I was dancing with a girl because she was sweet. She was nice. You know, we were dancing together, doing a little bit of salsa together, and all of a sudden, I get challenged by three men because they’re feeling like I don’t know, maybe insecurities, jealousy, whatnot, we were having fun or dancing and, and all I did was I kept my cool I kept a smile on my face. The bouncer was my friend. And the bouncer was a really big guy physically, because that’s their job to look intimidating and big in stature. And and I knew that I had two options very closely my mind a, it could go down bad. Like I’m, I’m taking someone down with me. And I will strike hard and I will strike fast. And second, I can keep the smile on my face. This does not do anything to me. I have no ego. These guys are getting upset because they’re having a bad night. And they’re just jealous. I’m driving dancing with a pretty girl. I’m having fun doing some salsa with her. And I saw the look on the bouncer and the bouncer gave me this nod saying go with option two, because he read my facial expressions, and we were in sync with that energy. And I said, all good guys, let’s just have a good time. And I walked away. And this was like, early 20s. You know, like, stuff where like, we should be over this in my opinion.
Kelly Meerbott 13:44:45
Yeah, you know what it reminds me of, and again, I’m gonna date myself here, but to you. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie Roadhouse with Patrick Swayze. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I remember when he’s training the bouncers and he’s like, You help them out. But you’re always polite, be polite, you know, help them out. But be polite. You know, and you don’t do anything until I tell you. So. I mean, that’s kind of where it reminds me of in in my mind’s eye. That was what was coming to. into the visual. So always. Yeah, I mean, who, who in your life has been kindness to you, Adam, who do you think besides your mom?
Adam Dare 13:45:24
Oh, well, I was gonna say my mom. But besides DOMA, that’s a tough question, Kelly, who’s been the kindness to me. And we talked about tough love or just kindness,
Kelly Meerbott 13:45:35
just kindness. And you know, kindness. Okay. I think and this is a great kind of pivot point for us. I think there’s a big difference between kindness and niceness. So nice is being polite. It’s the societal construct, right? Whereas kindness can present itself as tough love you You know, somebody saying, Hey, that was not your best, or that’s not the best version of you. To me. That’s a kindness. As long as they’re delivering it with love and not, you know, malice.
Adam Dare 13:46:09
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Alright, so now that you explained it that way, I’ve had it, I’ve had the good fortune of a few people being kind to me my life. But one specific incident, which is still a very emotional type of for me, my sensei, really showed me that kindness in the form of tough laws, when I went through a big incident. And he was that I was lucky enough that someone told me from always, almost quitting the path I was about to go on. And
Kelly Meerbott 13:46:42
would you mind sharing that big incident with us?
Adam Dare 13:46:47
Yeah. So when I started my martial arts journey, I knew that I was seeking something that would make a better version helped me become a better version of myself. That’s the only reason I picked something like martial arts because it’s an individual deep insurgency journey, in my opinion. So when I trained under him, and a couple of years later, there’s a requirement, you have to enter tournaments and competitions and fight. And I was in good shape, because I was get strength training, I had muscle mass I did, you know, I did my push ups and all that stuff. And I was I was one of the strongest fitter men in the class. And when I went to compete for my first fight, and I and this is given, I had some street fight experience in my background, growing up in the schoolyard fights and stuff like that, surprisingly, I lost my first term and flight in the rink. And that was a very dark moment for me, because you say to yourself, that you’re not good enough, you say to yourself that this isn’t for you. And you say to yourself that now what I have, I have no other path, you know, I was so sure of this. And so two days later, I took my uniform, my GI. And I went after when he done teaching class, and I told him, this isn’t to me. I was wrong to pick this path. And I’m gonna hand in my belt, and I’ll go find something else. That’s where it all began.
Kelly Meerbott 13:48:31
And what was his response to you?
Adam Dare 13:48:35
The first response was he broke me down vocally. So he started asking questions like, Oh, yeah. Why? Because you lost? Oh, yeah. Why? Because? Because you think this is not why is it not for you? He kept asking, he kept questioning, challenging everything. I said, and every time I had an answer he had, he had a retort for it. And what he was doing now that I understand it, because I use a similar method for my clients, you break down someone’s psychology to really get down to the core, and we got down to the core that I was really afraid of losing again. And, and I couldn’t face losing, and failing, I had this deep you know, deep, negative perspective of what failing is, I never wanted to be a failure again, ever. Like I hated that feeling so much that I was ready to quit over it. And, and he just told me goes, you quit this now you’re gonna end up quitting everything else in your life. You want to be an entrepreneur, you will end up quitting, that you won’t have your business or even end up quitting that you, you want to have a life where you make an impact on people’s lives, you’re gonna end up quitting on people, because you’re a quitter. Because you didn’t walk the path.
Kelly Meerbott 13:50:01
So he was really holding you accountable to your integrity. Yeah, big time, and challenging your ego face to face because what you and I both know, in the work that we do that the ego is, presents itself to keep us small and keep us in that fear based thought process. So and this is what impressed me so much about you. There are many things that impressed me about you, Adam, but you know, the ownership that you take and the fact that like me, you leverage your mistakes and failures in your life to benefit your clients. So now you’ve lived this. It’s an experiential moment that is literally imprinted into your psyche. How do you use that to do the work you do today and help somebody move forward who may be stuck in the same way?
Adam Dare 13:50:52
So a part of me being a fitness coach and a empowerment coach basically people come to To me when they’re not happy or not getting results in their life, that’s really what my expertise is. So I break them down psychology psychologically to an assessment, I get on the phone with them. And I ask him a certain amount of questions and questions that I’ve written down. And I really try to dig deep into what’s really going on. And that’s really the the true secret, you really got to get people to open up about what their fear is. Now, if their goal is stronger than their fear, their desire is stronger than their fear, then they’re an easier person to help I can coach them, I can get them through that. If their fear is stronger than their desire, the consultation or the conversation continues. Because I want to get to a point like, what will it take to get you to realize that your fear of not taking the step is a bigger, stronger fear and uglier fear that you pushing this under the rug? Yeah, yeah, that’s, that’s what I’m afraid of, in my whole life, that I never want to be an 85 year old man. And I pray that I live that long, held slowly, of course, that I’m ever regretting anything that I wanted to do, I can accept certain things that I didn’t, I ran out of time. I, you know, I couldn’t get to it all. But I never want to regret anything.
Kelly Meerbott 13:52:23
See, that’s, that’s something that you and I have in common. Again, it’s, you know, I think my biggest fear in life will be when I lay if I lay my head down for the last time, and I asked my quote my that question, what if, what if I tried this? What if I tried that, and I didn’t do it? You know, there’s this quote, and I’m gonna butcher it. But it’s something about, you know, when you go to the grave, you want to slide in with your, you know, a glass of champagne in one hand, bruised and messed up screaming, woohoo, all the way. You know what I mean? Like sucking the marrow out of life, and really living it to its fullest and not allowing yourself to be hijacked in your ego. So what’s the big? I’m trying to figure out how to ask this question. So in terms of your clients, and your client, tell, when when do you give up? Like, when do you when are they so hijacked in their ego? And just, you just cannot get them to realize that when is it? When do you hit that point? Is an intuitive thing for you? Or is it a behavioral thing that kind of continues to manifest?
Adam Dare 13:53:32
We’ll see. That’s the interesting question you just asked, you just asked the million dollar question. Beyond millions. I don’t give up I never give up right. Me, that’s the one giving up on on my passion. My path is to have a million people on my deathbed saying, holding my hand saying, Adam, you’ve impacted my life positively. That’s what keeps them awake and up. And of course, to continue to read keep defining my success every day. The only person that’s giving up is a person that’s on the phone with me going through a consultation saying, You know what? Yeah, you’re right. It’s gonna take a lot of work to transform my life or my mind or my body. And right now, I don’t have the time to do it. Okay, fair enough. I’m not the one getting up. Right. I’m ready. Right?
Kelly Meerbott 13:54:17
Right. Got it. Okay. So what’s the biggest challenge you’ve ever faced with with one of your clients?
Adam Dare 13:54:24
Mmm hmm. You know, I’ll answer that this way. It’s not It’s not whether face the biggest challenge with one of my clients, in my industry in the training of fitness coaching and empowerment, coaching that one of the biggest challenges is getting someone to a point where they realize what their own true, authentic inner fears are their own obstacles, see, everybody will call me and tell me, I want to get in shape. Because I’m getting married, I want to lose weight, I want to get get in shape because of a stressful job or postnatal, or prenatal, or whatever. Right? But the true thing is, it’s much deeper than that. Way more deeper than that. And, and the challenge is not the actual workout that’s based on science and formulas and, and creativity. The challenge is the conversation.
Kelly Meerbott 13:55:19
All right, tell me more about that.
Adam Dare 13:55:22
Well, essentially, we, as human beings, have a innate desire to feel good about ourselves. It’s like the whole Tony Robbins thing, right? Like, growth will make you happy. So that’s secret. So we want to grow like we want to aspire to be more. So if if a post made a woman comes up to me and says, I want to share 20 pounds, I haven’t been able to do it and want to work with a coach. You have good credibility. You’ve got a good track record. Let me work with you. It’s really the desire to feel good again in your own body. That’s what it is. So you’ve got to hit that desire, you got to like, talk more about the desire because the desire has to say, heart, and emotional. And if someone’s coming to me and saying, I’m going through a divorce, and I want to spend time on myself, it’s a desire to own their own, own respect back and own their own confidence back. You know, it’s to feel good about their own self. That’s what it’s really all about.
Kelly Meerbott 13:56:24
100%. So how do you instill self accountability and quote unquote, ownership in your clients?
Adam Dare 13:56:36
Simple. I’m a walking talking. bulletin board advertisement of ownership and accountability myself, anyone that comes to me sees it, from the way I walk, the way I talk, they can hear to my voice, they can they can see my body language, they will hear it in the questions I ask them, and they will know that I mean, business, I am here to help you. If you’re ready. And that’s, that’s as far as my my power my jurisdiction goes, it doesn’t go beyond that.
Kelly Meerbott 13:57:10
Gotcha, gotcha. Okay. So I’m, for your great, great, great grandchildren and great great grand nieces and nephews that are listening to this podcast interview Adam, what kind of wisdom would you want to impart to them?
Adam Dare 13:57:26
I would say, start your life by really figuring out what you truly want to do. Truly, like, and that’s such a tough thing, because because it’s a noisy world out there we, we have noise in our brains in our minds, and, and which noise to listen to, right? Like, we don’t even know which noise is ours, because it’s by pressures, you know, right? You really, really figure out what you want to do. And then ask yourself, are you afraid to go after it? Because of everything that’s going to get in your way? Or, or or there’s a chance you might not get there. You won’t never attain what you’re going for? Or be? Are you afraid of the regret you’re going to face and feel of not going for it?
Kelly Meerbott 13:58:16
Gotcha. Wow, that’s powerful. So I’m gonna end the interview with three rapid fire questions, and I’m really interested to hear how you answer the first one, because we didn’t dig into nutrition at all but what’s your favorite comfort food Adam?
Adam Dare 13:58:32
Oh, homemade, soft, warm chocolate chip cookies.
Kelly Meerbott 13:58:41
Oh, that’s a good one. Okay, and what do you wash it down with?
Adam Dare 13:58:45
Almond milk?
Kelly Meerbott 13:58:47
A yum. Okay, what songs are on your playlist right now?
Adam Dare 13:58:52
Oh, wow. I’ve got a little bit of Michael Jackson the way you make me feel Justin Timberlake rocky body and then I have EDM? I don’t know if you guys know this or you listen. Yeah, I
Kelly Meerbott 13:59:03
love EDM
Adam Dare 13:59:04
do okay. The DJ dead mouse is on like, Oh, I
Kelly Meerbott 13:59:07
love DJ dad mouth. That’s so great. Okay, so what? What books are on your nightstand?
Adam Dare 13:59:14
Right now I’m looking at there’s a book by Joel Olsteen. I don’t know if you know him. Yeah, do your best life now seven steps to living your full potential.
Kelly Meerbott 13:59:27
Gotcha. Okay. What profession would you want to attempt besides your own
Adam Dare 13:59:35
superhero? Which what would be your superpower? I wouldn’t be a cross between Spider Man because I’m athletic. I can John. You know, I look good in a superhero suit. And Superman because I have you know, I’m strong. I can lift things. I miss my career. You’re
Kelly Meerbott 13:59:53
gonna say you want it to fly. But flies good too. Yeah. That’s okay. And then what are you most grateful for in this moment right now?
Adam Dare 14:00:04
The fact that I’m alive and I’m doing and pursuing slowly and incrementally what I want to do and I have choices in my life, and hopefully I’ll have another day tomorrow to have some more choices.
Kelly Meerbott 14:00:23
Gotcha. Okay. And if somebody wanted to reach out to you and find you and own their life and fitness and learn the secret to success in business and life, how would they do? How would they reach out to you?
Adam Dare 14:00:35
Easy so they can go on my Instagram. My business name is own_your_fitness or just my website ownyourfitness.net so if you just punch in own your fitness in Google, my website will pop up. And it’s only fitness dotnet very easy.
Kelly Meerbott 14:00:56
Thank you so much. Adam and thank you so much for being vulnerable and real. To our listeners. It’s our intention that this podcast conversation inspires you to go out and have authentic conversations to deepen the connections in your life. Thank you so much and make it a great day.
14:01:16
You’ve been listening to hidden human, the stories behind the business leader. If you’ve enjoyed the episode, please subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. To learn more about Kelly and the services she provides, visit you loud and clear.com Thanks so much for listening, and we’ll be back soon with a new episode.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/toggle][/toggles][/vc_column][/vc_row]
