This is a very special episode of my podcast – Hidden Human: The Stories Behind the Business Leader. Normally, I interview someone to discover what happened in their lives to create the leader they are today. This episode is unlike ANY other we’ve recorded because the subject is me. It’s taken me a couple of weeks to post it because my ego was scared & worried about what you would think of me.

We reveal areas of my life and business that I chose to hide in the past because it shame-filled and riddled with guilt (a mindset I chose). I’m making different choices now. I’ve discovered through this process with my coach, Catherina, that it’s the shit that no one likes to talk about that can be leveraged to find a way inside to heal yourself.

In this special episode, I’m joined by my coach, Catherina O’ Gorman — Founder of Think Love University & Creator of Think Love “A Q.U.E.S.T. For Greatness” Coach Immersion Training. It is raw, real and vulnerable. This is part of the authentic journey of transformation that I’ve experienced in my life and business while working with Catherina since December 2018 (I’ve taken a brief hiatus during the past four weeks mid-March – present).

You will hear how the ego can get in the way of our own success. Catherina also reveals a powerful process to instantly shift your thoughts, feelings and actions even in the midst of difficult situations. You will experience what it’s like to work with Catherina, the ego-slayer.

“We have all been conditioned to live in limited/contracted fear based thinking. The Q.U.E.S.T. Model is designed to dismantle that fear based thinking, to empower you to live a whole new reality, that of limitless love based thinking, in alignment with the desires of your heart.”

- Catherina O'Gorman , Founder/Creator, Think Love University/A QUEST for Greatness

After you listen to the episode, come back and read what came into my awareness during my written reflection to my coach, Catherina on March 21.

Nine distinctions I have discovered during the deep internal work with my coach Catherina O’Gorman.

During this period of deep rest that I’ve gifted myself — time to really listen past the noise of my ego, several awarenesses have unfolded and expansiveness has opened.

1) I had no idea how deeply my life and business were hijacked by my ego before you, my coach, Catherina manifested into my life and we began this work.

2) Everything up to this point has been a result of the choices I’ve made and the situations I’ve caused to happen in my reality. Total self-responsibility is the only way out.

3) I find myself shifting in and out of the role of observer of my feelings, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors (not always but I have noticed this happening more and more frequently).

4) I’m definitely practicing being comfortable in the unknown. What I didn’t realize was that the unknown includes feeling peaceful. Similar to that moment I had with the group on retreat, I’ve forgotten what peace feels like. Sitting in the stillness is very unfamiliar to me. I can feel my ego urging me to do, be and strive for things. It equates creating drama to being alive when true aliveness comes from the source of power within me.

5) I have been obsessive in my need for control of every aspect of my life having a white knuckle grip on mental, emotional, physical and spiritual has done nothing but exhaust me and has taken the creativity out of everything. I have come to the awareness that I cannot will things to happen. I cannot force things to happen. I cannot push things faster. They will happen in their time and when I am aligned and fully embodied in the work. When I surrender to the simplicity and flow of my soul, and things seem to evolve with ease and grace.

6) Part of ego mastery is developing emotional self-mastery – emotions pull me in a million different directions — stay the course and create a balance of feeling all my fears without letting it hijack my path.

7) Keep all realms clear – Mind, Body, Heart and Soul – Meditation, visualization, exercise, rest, water, etc. make up all elements of my self-care plan. These pieces support and inspire me on my journey like no other strategy. I still the mind through meditation. I nurture a restful and clear mind by caring for it as I would care for a beautiful garden. As a result, I am grounded, clear and focused.

8) I’ve been attached to way too many things, situations, and people. Instead of causing things to happen in my life what has occurred prior to my work with my coach Catherina is I have been dragged down and anchored to one place staying stuck. I have repelled exactly what I want in my life. By letting go of the outcome, (especially since I’ve been taking deliberate steps toward my goals) and trusting what is for my highest will occur I’ve been seeing very specific shifts occur in the direction of what I desire in my life and business. The universe/love doesn’t respond to obsessive attachment as much as does to a “desireless desire”. What that means is – my goals are priorities, but they do not consume my happiness(which is what was happening before the work with my coach, Catherina began.

9) Stay calm — Despite what is going on around me I feel like I am standing in the eye of the hurricane grounded and observing what is happening but not attaching to or giving consent to thoughts that arise in my mind. Worrying has not worked. Forcing has not worked. Manipulating has not worked. Trust is what works.

There is no way around it, you want to improve as a human? To evolve to the next level, there is no magic pill or quick-fix. You must commit and look inside yourself to do the work.

Kelly Meerbott is a leadership coach, speaker, facilitator, author and principal at YOU: Loud & Clear, Inc. To reach Kelly click here.